I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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