her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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