just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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