now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
