is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
