He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
