Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
