meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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