What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize