you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
