Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
