the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
