apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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