It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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