Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
