will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
