last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
