His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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