he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
