When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
