They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
