dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
