It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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