Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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