try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
