He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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