It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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