I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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