If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
