Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
