You're so nebulous sometimes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
