Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
