No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
