i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
