The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
