your thong is hanging out like whoa
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
