you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
