My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
