How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
