My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
