While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
