It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
