PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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