There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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