I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
