I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
