you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
