Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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