My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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