tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
