she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
