i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
