i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
