I must be too annoying 4 u.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
