well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
