Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
