im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
