New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
