Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
