you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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