i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
