you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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