did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
