Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
