Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
