is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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