it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
