You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
