Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
