He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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