the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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