he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
