the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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