Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
