the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
