but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
