i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
