I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
