New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
as a side note pls kill me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
