I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
