Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
