I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
