I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
