I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
