oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
