Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who died my cat blue again?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
