Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
