I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
