Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
