You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You are a genius and a whore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
