We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
