everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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