She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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