All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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